AUGUST 2024 NEWSLETTER
I’ve been reading a very interesting book lately. It is called, When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty without Hurting the Poor…and Yourself by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert. This book offers vital insights into how our good intentions can sometimes lead to unintended consequences. The two authors are both economics professors at a Christian Liberal Arts college in Georgia, and have decades of experience nationally and internationally in helping to alleviate poverty. I think this book struck me because Hand in Hand Family Mentorship subscribes to their essential viewpoint which is: Avoid paternalism. Don’t do things for people that they can do for themselves.
The word paternalism derives from the Latin paternalis meaning “fatherly” and is considered to be an action that is intended to be helpful, but yet may limit a person’s autonomy or dignity. We develop maternal, paternal, or nurturing feelings for our mentees as we get to know them and witness some of the challenging life experiences they have come from, or are currently experiencing. But this book challenges us to rethink our approach, emphasizing the importance of empowering individuals rather than fostering dependency.
One poignant example from the book highlights a common scenario: a well-meaning church group provided food and clothing to families in need without addressing the underlying issues they faced. While their immediate efforts seemed helpful, this inadvertently created a cycle of dependency, where the individuals came to rely on external aid instead of developing self-sufficiency. The authors argue that by merely giving material support, we may overlook the necessity of equipping individuals with skills, resources, and opportunities that empower them to break free from poverty.
Years ago, my mentee found herself homeless once again, and right during the holidays. My heart was breaking for her and I so wanted to intervene and somehow solve her housing problem. But I felt compelled to take a step back and just talk with her rather than swoop in and try to fix it. I listened a lot and asked many questions to better understand what landed her here in this situation right now, as well as in the past. What were the roots of this problem? Through our conversations, we were able to pinpoint some common occurrences, over which she had some control, that often seemed to be contributing factors to her housing deficiency. She began to focus on remedying those things, and her housing stability has greatly improved! And also, through that time period, I got the opportunity to see how truly resourceful and tenacious my mentee is! What a valuable experience that was for both of us!
It is so significant that we come to understand the root causes of problems in our lives, otherwise, we are just perennially chasing the symptoms and never discovering the keys to real, meaningful change. Poverty and its attendant issues are not always just a lack of financial resources but often encompass a complex web of social, emotional, educational, and other factors.
As mentors, let’s assess the impact of our actions and strive to align our support with the long-term goals of those we serve. As we engage in active listening and open dialogue with those we mentor, this will foster an environment where their voices are heard and their insights valued. This collaborative approach allows us to identify solutions that are effective and more aligned with our mentees’ needs and desires.
Together, we can create a more effective mentorship experience that uplifts individuals, empowers communities, and cultivates a sense of hope for a better future.